her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
