Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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