Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
do herpes really smell.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
