grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
