The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
