I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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