what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
