she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
