Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
