Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
