Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
