I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
my liver is dry heaving
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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