I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's shark week go big or go home
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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