I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
