totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
