If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
