Cold hands, warm shart.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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