My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
