but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
