Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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