TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
