Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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