Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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