also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
