I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
