if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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