I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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