a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm getting married
To pizza
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
