the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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