I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
