I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
