i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i think my cat just said my name.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
