i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
