i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
did i just pee glitter
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
