PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
