is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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