remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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