I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize