I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
