Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
