It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
