so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
