so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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