I am puke
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
