I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
