I think I am morally bankrupt
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
