I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
