I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just made the most โsingle lifeโ Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize