Nicole vs. Life
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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