I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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