She's like a pop up book from hell.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
