Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
