Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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