life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
