when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my shit smells like andre
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
