Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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