i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
