It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
