So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
