This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
