My first STD was from a foam party
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Are my feet made of real feet?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Randomize
