I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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