I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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