omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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