then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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