At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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