Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
