my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
