wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
