fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
