yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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