I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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