she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
They have beer where we have blood.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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