Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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