It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
