Already got asked if we're dating
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
