I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
