Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
