i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
