my vag is so smooth its legendary
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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