The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
