...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
