Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize