You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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