Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
