New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
