im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
if only i could text you this smell
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We had sex on a dog bed..
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
