Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
