I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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