Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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