i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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